We Did Not Want Nor Have to Be
by livviedoo
Summary: Post TVD finale. Bonnie has left Mystic Falls behind to finally focus on herself, and to nurture the magic she has neglected too long. But Mystic Falls, or more specifically, a certain non-cure-taking vampire, can't just let her be. Title from Stevens's poem, "The Motive for Metaphor" This is just an idea bug that I'm working through (along with bitterness about all things Bamon).
1. you like it under the trees

The heat had taken on an active form, and after making an alliance with the humidity, was smothering the afternoon in a tangible blanket of stickiness. Everything seemed to shimmer, as if the temperature itself was too much for all things and they were trying to literally shake off their physical selves to escape it.

The blast of cool, dry conditioned air elicited a small moan from Bonnie's tired body as she unlocked the door to her AirBnB. She'd been staying in an admittedly over-sized private guesthouse just outside of Brantford, Ontario, for the past week or so, her 'home' base, so to speak, as she searched for, then finally found, an Anishnawbe Elder who she was told would share teachings that would allow her to gain a deeper understanding of the Earth and her connection to it.

Ever since she left Mystic Falls behind almost three years ago, she hadn't looked, nor been back. Like the dutiful of Lot's kin, she shook the dust off of her shoes and hadn't chanced a peek back into the chaos that had been the majority of her life. Nightly video calls with Caroline had now dwindled to semi-monthly check-ins, and while the love she felt for her had not changed, Bonnie could not help but see Caroline's present existence – mother, teacher, partner – as being completely foreign in ways Bonnie felt no urgent desire to understand.

But while she had maintained a connection with Caro, despite how tenuous it was, she had not been able to forge the same connection to Elena, and therefore, by necessity, Damon. As much as Bonnie knew she loved them both, she also recognized the hazard Elena's mere existence had been to Bonnie's health. Every horrible thing that she had experienced in her life was woven in the web of Elena. Bonnie would never admit it, but she felt a deep-seated sense that her own self-preservation was dependent upon keeping as much distance between herself and All Things Gilbert.

Bonnie walked through the small kitchen, heading directly towards the bathroom. Today was a day she wanted to wash off with as much cool water as she could bear.  
She had woken with a need to connect to nature in a physical way, and as soon as she had gathered some fruit and packed a few water bottles, she had set off on one of the rental's bicycles towards the wooded fringe that trailed along both sides of the Grand River as it undulated through the small city. Allowing her senses to guide her, Bonnie locked up her bike, then hiked her way through the conservation area until she found herself in a small clearing with just enough space for her to lie down on the grass. She removed her shoes and socks, then lay on her back, her arms at 45 degree angles to her torso, her fingers spread wide. After a few deep breaths, the hum of the natural world reached out to her, and as her fingers began to tickle Bonnie's mouth pulled into a satisfied smile. She had spent at least three hours out there, lying in the woods. And later, as she cycled past corn fields on her way home, she passed a small cemetery and had to look. There, amidst a small group of tombstones – maybe fourteen or fifteen of them, she found what her senses had been pulling her to all along.

RUTH JUDITH BENNETT  
1827 – 1849  
Loved. Always.

There were no other Bennetts buried there. And no spouse entombed beside Ruth Judith in perpetual slumber. But it was no accident that Bonnie was drawn to this place, this grave, that had not been in any records she had come across. It was no accident that Ruth Judith was a Bennett, a real Bennett. The energy emanating from around the tombstone proved it. So after offering her thanks to the spirits for leading her there, and showing honour to her ancestor, Bonnie had rode home at double-speed, anxious to find out as much as she could about this new Canadian relative. But it was hot, and July being what it was, a shower was definitely in order before any internet sleuthing could start.

Bonnie made quick work of shedding her clothes and sighed again as she stepped into the shower. Working up a substantial lather on her loofah, Bonnie took her time scrubbing her limbs, luxuriating in the feel of the cool water on her skin. When she finally stepped out of the shower, she wrapped herself in a towel that undoubtedly had a cotton count higher that she could afford, and barefoot, padded her way back to her kitchen to grab a drink before changing into her comfy clothes for the night.

It was only after she opened the fridge, her back to the living room that had not garnered any attention from her since she got in, that her senses began to staccato exclamation marks up and down her spine. She was not alone. And the intruder was not human. But she was not afraid. Gathering her magic about her, Bonnie closed the fridge then spun round quickly, her hand reaching out, the protection spell already tumbling across her lips.

"Easy there, Witchy, no running with scissors," the intruder said.

Damon.

Da-damon?" Her voice was a gasp, her heart racing, eyes wide in genuine surprise. "What the actual fuck?"


	2. the half-colours of quarter things

_Thank you for the comments and follows - I am always shocked but ubergrateful when it happens :-)))__  
__I never liked BonZo and really really don't like Elena so if they're your faves, apologies in advance for ish-ing all over your faves…__  
__All apologies for mistakes and errors in advance..._

**2 - the half-colours of quarter things**

"Easy there, Witchy, no running with scissors," the intruder said.

Damon.

"Da-damon?" Her voice was a gasp, her heart racing, eyes wide in genuine surprise. "What the actual fuck?"

"I didn't expect a parade or anything, but even you have to admit this is kinda harsh Bon Bon." He rose from his reclined position on the sofa and took a few steps towards her, hands raised in supplication as if he was approaching a wounded animal.

Bonnie stared at him.

'Okay. Let's just start with you dropping your arm there, Gandalf, because the last I heard you pushed back the fires of hell so…"

Bonnie lowered her arm and feeling her towel beginning to slip, quickly magicked it back, safe and secure.

Damon smirked. "Nice parlour trick. Can you do it in reverse?" He waggled his brows.

The familiar lewdness snapped Bonnie out of her lethargy. "We're not like this anymore Damon. I'm going to get changed and then we can talk and then you will leave – "

"Whoa there, I haven't even – "

"because I am finally finding my way to my good place now and I don't want to – I can't go back, okay? So whatever shit is going down –"

"And that's why you think I came here?"

"Why else would you?"

"That's what you really think?" His bravado was lessening now. Maybe this was not a good idea after all.

"What else can I think – Listen…" She released an audible sigh. "Give me five minutes to get decent and then you can try to prove me wrong."

With his nod of acquiescence she headed back to her bedroom.

In truth, he was here for one – no two reasons. Both of them entirely selfish.

He hadn't taken the cure yet. That was huge and had cost him all that he thought he could want. Elena had waited, patiently at first, for him to take it, so they could 'get on with their love story' and begin their real lived lives. Together. In the beginning, Damon had claimed, and he was being truthful when he said it, that he could not simply become mortal, and so breathtakingly vulnerable, by becoming human. There were still baddies out there, and look at what had happened to them the last time – times – the thought they were free and safe. An even bigger baddie showed up. And with Caroline playing Mrs. Brady and Bonnie off galivanting, who would keep them safe? Not Mutt. And Stefan's fragile yet still brooding humanity cost him his existence. After everything, everything they had been through, would it not be foolish and a taunting of the fates for Damon to willingly trade in his semi-invincibility for a body so susceptible to failure? Damon could rationalize this argument in his mind, but when he tried to give it voice, tried to convince Elena, it sounded as bereft and cowardly as it made him feel.

'_So when do you plan on taking it, Damon? When will you be satisfied that everything is perfect and safe? Because that, Damon, is not living!' her voice had risen to a shout then. 'The beauty of being human is that we are mortal and fragile and everything is a gift to be appreciated. I'm not getting younger Damon. I want a family, I want children, babies.' Despite the choked laugh she let out, tears streamed down her face. She placed her hand on his chest. 'I want our children, our babies'._

'_Elena, you're still young – we have so much time –'_

'_No. You have so much time. You've had so much time that you can't appreciate how quickly it passes.'_

'_That's not true.'_

"_Really?'_

'_That is not true. It passes as time does, but lately it has been passing so slowly, Elena.' Damon spun, his arms flailed out. 'Stefan has been dead for 824 days. I have felt the carved out hollow of his absence every one of them. He died because he was human –_

'_Damon, Stefan died because he chose to sacrifice himself for –_

"_NO! He chose to sacrifice himself, Elena, but he died because he was human! My brother died so we could live. How can I live with that? He's gone. Alaric has excommunicated me for the sake of his kids, Bonnie has abandoned me. I'm alone – for the first time in my life I am alone, Elena, and I can't-_

'_You're not alone Damon' she said in a quiet voice._

'_What?' He shook his head dismissively. 'You know what I mean – '_

'_I think I know what you mean more than you do Damon." Elena paused and the look she pierced Damon with almost broke him. 'You're never going to forgive us.'_

'_What? What are you even saying?'_

'_You're never going to forgive us for living. And you're never going to take that cure because you see it as a betrayal – it's dancing on Stefan's grave in your book. You don't want to be a vampire but you'll force yourself to stay one so you can't have your happily every after."_

_Damon folded in on himself and sank to the floor, head bowed between his bent knees._

'_Well I won't betray what Stefan did by wasting his sacrifice. I love you – I love you in a way that I cannot separate from my being. But Damon," she choked on a sob this time, 'I have to love me more. I can't wait much longer because the longer you wait the less likely you are to take it.' _

_She brushed by him, trailing her fingertips through his hair, on her way out of the room._

As much as she may have been right about so many things that day, there was one thing she had gotten critically wrong.

Damon did not hesitate taking the cure because of some twisted sense of fraternal-driven guilt.

Damon did not take the cure because more than anything, even, it seemed, Elena, he actually loved being a vampire.

The other reason Damon was here was walking back into the living room, using the towel draped across her neck to dry out the ends of her wet hair, now a halo of glistening curls around her head. All that time in the prison world together and he had taken for granted how beautiful she was.

Damon must have had some kind of revelatory look on his face because Bonnie froze in her movements, brow furrowed as she asked him, "What?"

Years of practice made schooling his features almost instantaneous. He made a show of looking around him as if in search of a lost object. "You got anything good to drink"

Bonnie scowled. With a small huff she headed for the kitchen, pulled a glass out of the cupboard, filled it with tap water and marched it over to Damon. Arm outstretched, she held it towards him. "Not too bougie for this, I hope."

Damon took it from her with a fake smile of gratitude and made himself comfortable on the couch. With his free hand he patted the spot next to him in invitation.

Bonnie resolutely remained standing.

"You show up – here of all places – after all this time and think you can just act like everything is kosher. Whatever drama is going on back home I'm not interested. I am finally focusing on myself, learning about myself and who am I for me, not because of some crisis or someone exploiting me. So I really hope this visit is not because of some supernatural crisis or something because I can't right now."

Damon took a sip of his water, grimaced and gingerly placed it on the coffee table. "Wow – hello to you too sunshine. Maybe I just came to see how you're doing. You know, since you skipped town in the night and ghosted me for a few years? Maybe I just wanted to check in on my judgy BFF and make sure she was okay?"

Releasing a tension she had not been aware of, Bonnie sagged then dropped into the chair across from Damon.

"I didn't run off in the middle of the night," she countered weakly.

"Oh, so you admit you ghosted me, then". He dramatically clutched at where his heart should be. "That hurts, BonBon".

She squinted at him. "I didn't ghost you either. I checked in whenever I was somewhere new – "

"With a text."

"- and I spoke to Caroline all the time –"

"If you're implying that I am the Vampire Barbie in this relationship I am highly offended. Again."

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "And I spoke to Elena at least once a month and asked about you all the time."

Damon looked stricken. "You spoke to Elena?"

"Yesssss." Bonnie replied, stating what she saw as the obvious. "Once, years ago. I called her - I never thought I'd get to speak to her again and then I could. So of course I –"

"She never told me". Damon was shocked. Then angry. "And you never thought to call _me_? It never occurred to you to call me, your best friend, not once? In all this time?"

"Damon – "

"Wow, I am such an idiot." Damon abruptly stood, his body all tense anger. "You all played me". His voice was low and vibrated with anger. "And what did you learn about me through your little conversations, Bon? What I ate for dinner? When I had my naps?" He took a few steps towards the kitchen, and the door, causing Bonnie to rise abruptly from her seat. He turned around, fists clenched. "You check in on your dog or your baby. You call your best friend!"

This was all wrong. All so confusing.

"I don't understand –"

"Either do I Bonnie. Here I thought that maybe you'd resigned yourself to a Dempsey-Moore forever with Enzo, and instead, I hear from Matt, of all people, that you'd done some releasing ceremony and set yourselves free. So without Enzo buzzing in your ear anymore, I figured there was no one warding you away from Big Bad Damon. But it turns out all along the only one warning you to stay away was your own little self."

Bonnie just stared at him in exasperation. Twenty minutes ago she was feeling pretty damn good about reclaiming a long lost Bennett and being grounded enough in her magic to allow it to happen. Now, she was being excoriated by an unexpected – and uninvited – Damon Salvatore, who was pissed at her no good reason at all, for doing exactly what he wanted, what Elena had intimated to her that Damon could not bring himself to do –

"This is some bullshit Bon". He threw his hands up in exasperation. "I come all this way and this is what I get – more silence. I'm out of here."

She watched him turn and stalk towards the door, practically yanking it off of its hinges as he opened it. But just as forcefully it slammed shut.

"Wait one damned minute Daman Salvatore".

"Open the door Bon". His tone was dark.

"You think you can come here and upset my hard-earned peace with this nonsense?"

Damon felt himself being pulled forcefully back to the living room where an incensed Bonnie Bennett waited. Fuming.

"I mean it Bo-"

Bonnie waved her hand in front of her, pointer and thumb touching. "_Daga bizaan, bizaan ayaan!"_ The words wrapped around her tongue and although foreign, felt familiar.

Although silenced and stationary, Damon's eyes were all fury.

"I admit, I chickened out and called Elena. Years ago. And we talked for – for over an hour at least. After she told me how everyone was doing, she told me that you were struggling. That your grief was practically chocking you. That memories of the past were preventing you from moving forward and you couldn't see past Stefan's death."

Bonnie stepped towards him so that she was practically chest-to-chest, glaring up at him with a mix of hurt and rage that was frustratingly familiar.

"She asked me to talk to you Damon. She wanted me to convince you that not taking the cure was a waste of Stefan's sacrifice. That is was, ultimately, also a waste of Enzo's death. And that made me so angry because it reminded me about how often I seem to get fucked over for everyone else's benefit.

"But you know what also pissed me off? That she wasn't giving you a free choice. That she was asking me to be a part of that. That the person you chose to spend your life with had still not learned to trust you enough to live your life. And that was a shitstorm I wanted no part of. And I couldn't be the one to tell you Damon. I couldn't.

"And I cut myself out of it because I saw how it was going to end." She waved her hands again. "_Bagidendamwiin._" She crossed her arms. "So here's _my_ question, Damon. Why they hell are you still a vampire?"


	3. obscure moon lighting an obscure world

A/N: Thank you so much to those who have followed this story and posted reviews – my s-l-o-w moving behind really, truly does not deserve it. I am, however, really, truly, absolutely flattered and grateful. I'm doing a step back in time for this chapter. It was getting really long (for me) so I ended it where I did for now. I'll be better about updating – I promise.

**Flashback: May 10, 1994 – version 74**

Bonnie squeezed her eyes tightly shut for a second before cracking one open. She groaned at the incursion of bright light, a perennial sunny reminder that yes, she was still stuck in this crazy Groundhog Day of an existence. She was tempted to pull the duvet higher and burrow down further beneath it, a weak attempt to put off the inevitable monotony that was now her life, but an unintentional sniff assaulted her olfactory nerves with an odour much different than the steady parade of vampcakes that had become her new staple. Sitting up abruptly, she sniffed again, trying to confirm that the scent she had sensed was true.

"Oh my Goddess…" she breathed out. in a swift movement she had spun herself out of bed and propelled herself towards her closed bedroom door and then downstairs.

"Bacon!" It was more an exhalation than an exclamation. "And fresh bread." Her stomach growled in appreciation as she stood at the entrance to the kitchen.

Damon waved a spatula at her. "Well don't just stand there drooling, missy – grab a plate." He was wearing that stupid 'Kiss the Cook' apron again, and once again bouncing around to 90s top 40. But gone was the sardonic sneer that frequently seemed a half-breath away. His grin, as he placed the plate of perfectly-made ribbons of bacon in front of Bonnie, was infectious. Bonnie couldn't help but fail to suppress a smile of her own. She grabbed one of the plates stacked on the table. Crossing a leg beneath her, she sat on a chair.

"What is this, opposite day?" she asked, folding a strip of bacon into her mouth. She moaned in appreciation. The sound caused Damon to freeze for a beat, but he quickly recovered and slid a spatula of scrambled eggs onto the plate in front of her.

"Don't talk with you mouth full. It's gross", Damon chastised, tempering the critique with a cheeky grin. Before Bonnie could formulate a response Damon was seated beside her, his plate already half full with a pile of impossibly fluffy-looking scrambled eggs. "Shoot!" he exclaimed and in a blur he had left the table and returned, placing a cup of coffee in front of Bonnie. She did not even question that he had made it just like she loved it. Wrapping both hands around the cup, she brought it to her lips for a sip. She sighed in appreciation. Damon, who had been watching her, seemed satisfied with her reaction and took a sip from his cup.

"Ahhh. Nothing like the taste of a little non-smoker B- in the morning."

"Ewwww. You're gross" Bonnie said, grimacing at him. her eyes circuited the table looking for the crossword puzzle. It wasn't there.

"I am what I am what 'I yam' BonBon," Damon sing-songed, and loudly slurped his next sip for emphasis.

But the mild bickering could not taint the light semi-giddy aura that seemed to surround them that morning. Something was different – something more than just the cuisine – and for the first time since she had arrived in this forsaken time loop Bonnie actually was looking forward to what the day might hold.

They both ate in amiable silence for a few minutes.

"So…" Bonnie began, "since breakfast is, I must say, an ahhh-mazing departure from the usual," she snuck a smile at him, "is this change from the usual a blip or the start of something new?"

Damon eyed her with a look that softened for a moment. "We're only getting started Missy."

Bonnie's heart did another one of those little flippy beats it had been doing more and more lately. Conscious of Damon's super-sensitive hearing, she tore off a piece of toast and crunched.

Damon absently tugged at the sleeve of his plaid shirt. "Let's take a day off. Monotony is so – "

"Boring?"

"Touché" He bopped her nose with a slightly greasy finger. Bonnie scrunched her nose. "I always suspected you were more than just a pretty, witchy face." He snuck a smile at her again, then perused the table. Bonnie handed him the jar of preserves. "Thanks. Like I said – more than just a pretty, witchy face."

Bonnie snorted and unfolded herself from the chair so that she could lean back, pulling up her knees so that her heels balanced on the chair edge. Clasping her mug in both hands she took a long sip of her coffee.

"I was thinking we deserve a day off."

"We?"

"While I do admit you have been carrying most of the brain weight in this escape plan, I think I have been the brawn in this operation."

Bonnie's derisive snort did not deter him.

"So yes, we deserve a day off. Let's do something crazy. I mean if CareBear were here we'd be planning some ill-timed theme party usually ending in someone's death or some new Big Bad showing up on our doorstep…"

Bonnie nodded in agreement.

"But since it's just the two of us in this hellhole we can at least take comfort in knowing _that's_ not going to happen. So Bonster, we're gonna hit the road. Drive with the top down, wind in our hair, alt rock CDs at the ready, and hit the beach".

"The beach?" Bonnie sputtered, as she sat up in her chair.

"The beach. Now you can use one of those six cute little suits you nabbed at Macy's downtown." He waggled his brows lasciviously. "I know you girls always have all kinds of "girl things" you do, and don't take me for a prude, because I was born in the 19th century you know, but I have noticed that you've been rocking things _au natural_ in the personal grooming department –"

"Oh my gods Damon! Do you even know boundaries?"

"- so I'll clean up here and give you 20 minutes to meet me car. Suit is optional."

In a flash he was up, zipping around Bonnie stacking dishes. Bonnie still sat in her chair, mouth slightly agape. "Tickety-tock BonBon," Damon warned, sotto voce in her ear, and then he was at the sink, turning on the tap.

_I couldn't breathe, holdin' me down_

_Hand on my face_

_Pushed to the ground_

_Enmity gaged, united by fear_

_Forced to endure_

_What I could not forgive_

Eddie Vedder was revealing a bit too many of Damon's buried truths.

Bonnie had surprised him by not giving him any pushback on his Prison World take on Ferris Bueller's day off. When he had turned from the sink to see her vacant chair, it had given him a real boost to his spirits. He was just so damned sick and tired of this stuck groove of an existence, and equally tired of fighting off the inevitable feeling that this was really all that was left. What he was not ready to deal with was the persistent warm spot in his psyche that was not altogether devastated that this was really all that was left – that there was not only desolation and despair at the prospect that the idiocy of their situation could actually be an idyllic existence.

When Bonnie got in the car, all aviators and denim cutoffs and navel-bearing crop top, he was really pleased with himself. This was actually happening. Damon, sporting the loudest board shorts he could find (Bonnie's acquiescence necessitated a quick dash back to Macy's for supplies) and a screened print t-shirt of Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes iconic pose from _White Men Can't Jump_, had lowered his Ray Bans with his forefinger to give Bonnie his requisite lewd once-over as she tossed her tote bag in the back seat. Bonnie had played her part, calling him a pig as she caught him checking out her ass, but she knew that he knew she secretly liked the attention.

About forty minutes in, she had placed her foot on his dash and opened a bottle of nail polish.

"Don't even think about it," he warned, eyes darting to his right and sliding up her expanse of leg.

"Settle down grandpa, I'm a pro at this" she chastised, and proceeded to apply what should have been a garish hot pink on her toes. Damon had found himself starting to understand foot fetishes.

After an hour or so of freeway driving, Bonnie had swiped out the _Boom! Shake the Room_ CD for _Vs._, and after running her fingers through her tangled hair, leaned her head back on her seat rest to bask in the sun.

What had begun as steering-wheel tap worthy mindless tuneage gained unexpected gravitas as Damon started to really listen to the lyrics.

_I seem to look away_

_Wounds in the mirror waved_

_It wasn't my surface most defiled_

_Head at your feet, fool to your crown_

_Pissed on my plate, swallowed it down_

_Enmity gauged, united by fear_

_Tried to endure_

_What I could not forgive_

At first he thought about his past – the things stolen from him by a bastard of an abusive father and a mother who died before she could love him enough. Then he thought of Katherine – who was as much a bastard and an abusive whore as any woman could be, and who, for a long time, killed any chance he had to get and give enough love in his life. And his undead life.

But Damon was shaken by the emergence of Elena in his thoughts. The unending performance he realized he had put on to earn her respect and her attention and her love. His constant failure to be her first choice, to be the man she chose and accepted as is. The thought was a revelation and a revolution and he did not know what to do with the emergent feelings.

He aggressively poked the stereo button to switch the CD. Janet began to tell him the 'way love goes'.

Bonnie's head lolled to the left and she groaned a stretch. "Why'd you change the music?"

"We're just about here. And Eddie was killing my vibe."

"Killing your vibe? Gosh I think I actually prefer your 'Kiss the Cook' apron. Please don't ever say that again."

Damon laughed then suddenly yanked the wheel to the right to use the exit ramp. Bonnie screamed and smacked his arm.

"Hey – hey! No abusing the driver."

The 'beach' they found themselves at was not a stretch of sandy respite but a near-hidden "man-made-by-accident" freshwater lake in an abandoned quarry. Apparently, Damon noted, some geologist got it really wrong and when the machinery hit an underground spring, the workers had to evacuate the dig site in a hurry. The result was a pristine, fresh-water, stone-bottomed lake, hidden in the back woods off of a numbered side road Bonnie couldn't recall, surrounded on two and a half sides by an imposing stone façade. As much as she could figure, the lake was at least two or three soccer fields in surface area. She could only imagine how deep it was.

Cradled by an inflatable unicorn, Damon was floating in the water just off the rocky abutment where they had set up for the day. Head back, he spurted an arc of lake water in the air.

Bonnie lay on the shore, reclined on a beach mat in her neon green bikini, bathing in the always-perfect sun. She had caught Damon checking her out more than once and for today she decided she was just going to enjoy it. She turned her head to the side, squinting at him.

"So are you calling that move 'the Trevi'?"

"Ahh, so there is a cultured brain behind that witchy body of yours," Damon quipped. He slid off his fantastical float and paddled over to edge where Bonnie still lay. He rested his chin in the crook ofhis arms which he had crossed on the rocky ledge "When are you going to come in? The water is perfect." To emphasize his point he reached out and swung his arm to send a wave of the cool lake water at her.

Bonnie cursed.

"Coming from someone whose body temperature regularly runs at about 50 I'll pass." Grumpily, she sat up, grabbed a towel and began to dry her shoulders.

"Uh – try 87.2 thank you very much." Damon continued to tread water. "Seriously, Bon, this is not what I had in mind when we headed out here."

Monotone, she asked what he had in mind.

"Well not this! Not you...there and me in here." He swam back to the edge and hoisted himself out of the water.

Bonnie gazed up at him as he stood over her, the sun shining behind him, crystal-like water beading on his ridiculously perfect body. It took her breath away. Just as the silence between them broached 'telling', she warned him, "I swear to goddess, Damon, if you even think of shaking that off on me I will find a way to end you."

He graced her with a crooked smile. "Understood". A look crossed his face and after a quick 'I got an idea', he dove back into the lake.

"Idiot," Bonnie muttered as she folded her towel into a makeshift pillow. She looked out over the lake and took a moment to appreciate the beauty of it. Nature had always been her refuge and strangely, she had never thought to take the time to appreciate it here – what with her daily failures at regaining her magic, and Damon's daily reminders of her failures.

"Day-mon," she called, exasperated, "You can come up now".

A beat, and the exasperation began to edge into something else.

"Damon?" She stood up and peered into the water. It was clear to a point but deceptively deep, the way rock-bottomed lakes could be. She could not make out any moving shapes in the water. Normally that would be a good thing.

"Damon!" It was a shout. And she hated the shrillness that had seeped into her voice. "Damon! Come on, this isn't funny – stop being an idiot!" Suddenly her mind was filled with the image of his truly dead undead body floating to the surface like a wraith. The wave of hypothetical grief almost made stumble and fall in the water. "Damon! " It was a full-fledged scream now. "Please!"

A whooshing sound announced his return to the surface. Damon shook his head back and forth to shake some of the excess water from his hair before wading over to the side and pulling himself out once more. It was only then that he really looked at Bonnie.

"Bon?" Her eyes were wide and shiny. She was shaking, unbeknownst to him, with both rage and terror. In a soft voice he asked if she was alright and carefully stepped towards her the way one would with a frightened animal. "Hey –"

"You asshole!" she shouted, and this time, when she hit him, he felt it. "You think that was funny? You scared the _shit_ out me Damon! I thought you were –" her voice cracked but she didn't need to finish.

Gently Damon wrapped his arms around her still shaking body. "Hey, hey…I'm sorry. I wasn't goofing around, I swear. I just wanted to know how deep the lake was because I had an idea…"

He felt Bonnie lean away from him. He looked down into her wan, but confused face.

He cracked a weak smile. "You ever tried cliff jumping?"

It took about an hour for Bonnie to forgive him. Damon felt a bit put out at first – after all, he wasn't even trying to be an ass this time. But when he put himself in Bonnie's shoes he realized the blank terror of those moments when he had not surfaced yet. He knew a dead Bonnie basically would result in a dead Damon. There was no way he would be able to be here alone. There was no way he would be able to be here without her. To even let the thought flit across his consciousness filled him with a paralyzing sense of loss he had not been prepared for.

After the daily eclipse passed, he pulled out the lunch he had prepared for them. To call it a picnic lunch was really an insult, but in light of his earlier _faux pas majeur_ he decided to swallow his hubris. A well-fed Bonnie was a happy Bonnie and even on this day, that proved to be true. By the time he pulled out the tarts and fruit platter Bonnie was berating him in a good-natured way and Damon could not help but think he ducked an armoury of bullets.

Cliff jumping however, had sounded like a much better idea than it turned out to be.

It took forever for Damon to finally convince her to do it, and even then, it was only after Bonnie had been promised that Damon would do it with her and not let go of her. When they reached the summit on the far side of the lake, courtesy of a super sonic piggy-back ride around the perimeter, Bonnie was pretty convinced that this was a terrible idea.

"How about I just watch you jump from here. I can hike my way back and meet you on the other side?" she suggested. She threw a sideways glance over the edge of the cliff and her stomach started to do that little jumpy thing that usually meant she was about to throw up.

"Nuh-uh Bonster, you agreed." Damon placed his hands on her shoulders and pivoted their bodies so that her back was to the edge. Automatically she reached up and put a death grip on his forearms.

"We'll just do this once, I promise. Consider this one of those rites of passage –"

"To the underworld."

"Ha ha. It's the kind of crazy thing everyone has to do at least once. think of how cool your little grand-Sabrinas will think you are when you tell them about this". Bonnie began another retort but he placed his finger on her lips. "Trust _me_. I got you." He lowered his voice and his stance so that they were eye-level. "I will never let anything happen to you. I swear."

Bonnie rolled her bottom lip in a semi-grimace before nodding jerkily.

"Now," Damon said, prying Bonnie's hands off his forearms and placing them around his neck before stepping close to her, "let's get awkward."

It was late but neither of them wanted to go home. That would mean that their day off was over and it was back to monotony of nothingness.

Night had fallen and even though it was pitch dark, the pale, cool moonlight saturated the world with a haunting luminescence. The stars freckled the sky in an abundance Bonnie still found startling despite the months that had passed in this strange purgatory they found themselves in.

After another lake-based round of sink the vampire, which quickly became sink the witch (an homage, Damon declared, to the nonsense of the Witch Trials, which earned him his own dunking) they towelled off and flopped, exhausted, on the grassy embankment. Both Bonnie and Damon fell into an amiable silence as they gazed up at a night sky which was the surreal epitome of Van Gogh's famous painting.

"I had this app on my phone," Bonnie ventured, "that when I held my phone up to the sky, it would identify the constellations. It was called Nightsearch or SkySearch or something like that."

Damon crooked the arm furthest from Bonnie under his head and tilted his head slightly to make her out in the darkness

"I was always amazed that there were so many stars that we never got to see. Not because they were hidden or too far or anything like that. Just that we were so distracted and blinded by the light closer to us, even though it was actually dimmer, that we could not see how much brilliance was always there, right before our eyes."

Bonnie sat up and for a moment Damon scrambled to think of something to say to make her stay, to make the moment last. He raised his hands to reach out to her in the muted light. Bonnie surprised him, though, by shifting so that she was perpendicular to him, using his chest as her pillow. For a beat, he did not know what to do with his hand, that was now stupidly suspended in the air, but took a risk by choosing to comb his fingers through Bonnie's damp waves.

"Sometimes," she continued," I would aim it at my feet, to see what was happening on the other side of the world. Kind of a reminder that just because I couldn't see something, it did not mean that it was not there. My dad, when he was home, would laugh whenever he caught me."

Bonnie felt the rumble of Damon's mirrored reaction beneath her cheek.

"This has been the best day Damon."

"You're welcome."

"I mean it. And not just in terms of this crazy purgatory we're trapped in, but like the. best. day." Bonnie angled her head up towards him. "Not once today did I think about my magic, or our situation, or saving someone or anything like that. I got to be a normal teenager, just for a day." She made sure she was looking right at him in the near pitch dark. His eyes, normally so very blue, seemed to emit their own illumination. "I forgot that it was something I was allowed to have, something that I am entitled to, you know? So thank you."

Damon canted his head sideways on the grass. "I couldn't be here with anyone else but you Bon. I could not do this with _any_one else – no one – but you. And…" His hand stopped moving as a thought hit him with such surety that he had to give it voice. "I wouldn't want to. You, being here with me – us together. It's not that it makes this bearable. It makes it the only thing I and place I can think of being."

Bonnie regarded him for a moment. Then sat up. Damon silently cursed himself for going too far, even though it was not as far as he really wanted to go. He appreciated that Bonnie never asked where they were going when they set out that morning. She never questioned how long it was taking to arrive wherever it was they were heading. She even fully trusted him during that crazy jump off the cliff. And when she thought he had drowned…

His thoughts were interrupted by the feel of her straddling him, her knees bent so that she simultaneously was seated on his lower torso and the back of her calves. He knew that Bonnie knew he could see her, even though she could not see him. And right now he felt and saw her reach behind her back to unclasp the fastener of her swim top. To his own surprise, and frustration, Damon sat up abruptly, and reached behind her to still her hands.

"What are we doing here, Bon?"

She released a self-deprecating dry laugh. "I must be really rusty if you have to ask."

"Far from Bon. I just need to know. Is this a one-off, albeit amazing ending to our 'day off'? Or is this something more?" He could hear her heart rate increase and feel her temperature rise. But she kept her voice steady, and he could not have been more proud of her.

"I prefer the latter, but today I will settle for the former."

Damon paused a moment before moving even closer to her, his mouth a whisper from hers. "That makes two of us then," his breath a feather-touch across her lips. "Here, let me." As he closed the distance between them, his lips cushioned against hers, his hands made quick work of the clasp before tugging it sideways and tossing it aside.

lyrics to "rearviewmirror" by Eddie Vedder


End file.
